Hilary Russo
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Hilary Russo is The “HIListically Speaking” Health Coach. As a Certified Havening Techniques Practitioner (one of only 150 in the US& 500 in the world) and a Certified Integrative Nutrition Holistic Health Coach, Hilary’s mission is to empower purpose driven minds to transform their own traumas into triumphs through health, healing and humor.
Hilary is an award-winning journalist focusing on health/wellness and award-winning college professor of communications and journalism. With the right tools, storytelling provides us a powerful opportunity to turn our mess into our message and live resiliently. Through her “Brain Candy” program, she wants to make mental health fun and put the power of emotional well-being in your own hands so that you can “be kind to your mind”.
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S01E17 Hilary Russo.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
Welcome to the Enable Disabled podcast. I'm your host, Gustavo Seraphine. I was born with a rare physical disability called PFG. My journey has been about self acceptance, persistence and adaptation. On the show, we'll explore how people experience disability. The stories we tell ourselves can both enable and disable our vulnerability is the foundation for strength and why people with disabilities can contribute more than we imagined. I hope that leaders, companies, clinicians, families and friends will better understand our capacity to contribute to the world and help enable us to improve it.
Hillary Russo is a certified health coach, award winning television journalist, professor and host of the Holistically Speaking podcast. Hillary and I talk about growing up with a father who had a disability and how it shaped the way she experienced the world. Hillary was also courageous enough to share her own journey of chronic pain and her path towards a more holistic life. We also discussed Hillary's practice as a health coach and the different tools she uses to help her clients transform their traumas into Triumph's.
If you're enjoying the show and want to help us be sustainable for the long run, the best thing you can do is share the podcast with one other person you think will enjoy it. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy the show. Hilary, welcome to the show, thank you so much for being here.
It is such a pleasure to share the space with you could stop to thank you for having me.
You're very welcome. It's I feel the same way. So I would like to get started with you have a very interesting story. Growing up, your father had a disability and just was a little bit about what was it like growing up with him? What were some of the things that you you learned from him that you think maybe you wouldn't have learned otherwise? What are some moments in your childhood that you remember that really that really stood out to you?
Absolutely. And I appreciate you giving me a chance to share the story, because this does go back quite a ways. My father was a diabetic and really battled his health his entire life. He was actually on the on the road on the journey to become a professional baseball player. He played minor league and found out he was diabetic when he was still a teenager. And back then, you make choices because you realize you need to take care of a family or you have to make a career happen for yourself.
So my my dad wound up going to school and still had a really thriving law career. But in my youth, I only knew a father who was diabetic. And in the early years, I saw a father who didn't really take care of himself. I didn't know much about that. Being a child, you eat with your parents, give you you just do you do what you're supposed to do. But as I got older and it wasn't too much, I was still in my youth that I noticed my father's health was ailing.
And it was it was suffering because my father did not take care of himself. He was an Italian. He loved his pasta. He loved his meatballs and the sausage and all the things that Italians love. But these are really hurting his health and well-being. And there is a link, obviously, between the emotional and the physical when we're not taking care of ourselves. That's why I do the work I do in holistic health. So I saw my father really kind of whittle away piece by piece.
And I mean it literally, literally and figuratively, because first it was a toe that it was another toe and then it was a foot, then it was a leg. This is really traumatic for a child, as you can imagine, and it's traumatic for my father as well. But I witnessed a lot of maladies and medical conditions with my dad from dialysis to in and out of hospitals and doing my homework in the waiting room of hospital rooms here in New York.
And it was it was quite heavy for me because my dad also wasn't able to be present. And a lot of things that I was a part of, not that he didn't want to, but because his health didn't allow him to. And that was really difficult for me to endure. And it brought about a lot of panic. It brought about a lot of anxiety, because I was always wondering if my dad was going to be there the next day, which is a really heavy amount of information for a child to process.
Absolutely. You know, your parents are supposed to be the rock and the foundation for you and to have that. Kind of taken away piece by piece, little by little, was that has to be really difficult. That's not an easy, easy thing to do. Um. Was was his. Was his diabetes something that then he he could have controlled, he could have taken, there was enough there to where he could have taken care of it at the time?
Or was it was it something that was really, you know. He was still figuring it out or he didn't want to.
Well, I think there's a stage of denial a lot of times with people who find out that they have a condition that they never lived with prior. And I see that more and more now, especially as a holistic health coach and someone who works regularly with clients who have been told, hey, you have diabetes, change your diet. And that's really a lot of information to throw at somebody when they've been living a certain way. And then suddenly they have to change their entire trajectory of how they've been living needs to change so they can manage something.
And I imagine I mean, I was young at the time. I see my father's habits change did not really happen until from what I recall and what I remember, my dad lost a very close friend to a heart attack and he was only 40 years old. And I remember when that loss happened, my dad started to make changes. But at that point, there had already been an amputation. There had already been the loss of vision, starting to the deterioration of vision in one eye.
And you can't kind of go back, but you can certainly do things to turn around your health. I think we know so much more about holistic health and healing and how we are able to do that now with the foods we eat our mind set. And I don't know if he was ready and willing at that point in time. So if he had made different decisions, I'm sure it could have been helpful. His dietary ways. Obviously, there's a lot of science out there about how diabetes comes about skipping generations.
I'm really mindful of my own health because of it as well, but I don't know if it could have been completely avoided. But I, I do believe with the right kind of diet and exercise and being in a much more positive, mindful state, which my dad was, by the way, I mean, he was he always said disability does not mean inability. I remember you and I talking at an earlier point where you caught on to that.
And it's so true. He always used to tell me just because you have a disability does not mean you are in able of doing something. I mean, his head was there. He was smart, as sharp as a tack and had a successful career until he passed. So I think he just wasn't making the best choices. And that hindered his health and it did going forward. And then when he did see that friend pass, he made choices.
He made different choices. He cut his amount of carbohydrates. He he was exercising regularly. And that did improve his health. But there was already damage done to his health already. So because the heart is very important with diabetics, as we know, a lot of them have have heart issues later. And a heart attack, which is how I lost my father, is quite common.
Yeah, that's and that's that's certainly difficult, and I think my experience and my experience is different, having been born with a disability, there was almost like I guess there's always a choice, but it seemed like for me it didn't really feel like a choice. It was like, if you want to do something, this is this is what you need to do to get there. So either either embrace that what you need to do or don't and don't do it.
So it's but but the mindstate still needs to be there and the internal attitude to when some things don't need to be there. So I. It's complicated, but it sounds like at least he he had his he had his mind in a place where he was still. Fighting through it, trying, trying to get. It right, it is definitely I mean, I've seen my father get frustrated, don't get me wrong, I've seen him in a state of frustration when he would be putting his prosthesis on or tripped or just any.
I remember a number of little things that are coming up in my mind now that maybe I haven't thought of. I mean, my dad's been gone almost 20 years, but I, I do recall a number of occasions where my dad did find a frustration in the moment because of of being an amputee. And I'm sure there were things that my father did not share with me that mentally he was going through. And I know that just from witnessing just any tension that might have been in the home and, you know, having a really supportive mother to who was always there, I'm sure it was heavy on my mom as well.
It's a lot to take on when you are with somebody who needs additional support, both physical and emotional level. So I was just a kid surrounded by it. But I recall Gustavo one time and this story is just so clear to me. I was sent away to summer camp for eight weeks. I think I was probably around 12, 11 or 12. And I think my parents just wanted to give me a break from everything that was there and be a kid and not worry because I was always that kid that would flock to my dad and and want to nurture and want to help him.
And that wasn't my responsibility. It wouldn't even be my responsibility as an adult. But I did that. And it's one of the reasons why I went to college, too. They wanted me to be a kid, to be around normal things and not have to worry so much. But worry was such a part of my life. It was my dad used to call me a worrywart. It was funny. And I went away to camp and I remember my parents were going to come and visit me at the halfway mark that parents weekend.
And a lot of that camp could have been much more enjoyable if I was not in a stressful, worried anxiety state of dad. Did you take your medicine? Dad, please be here at one o'clock. Don't be late. I mean, I was just taking on responsibilities that were not mine to take on for an 11 or 12 year old to be writing on the postcards that were sent home, because back then it was all postcards saying, please remind daddy not to take to please remind Daddy to take his medicine.
Who am I to be saying that to my dad, who has been on the planet longer than I have. But that's how worried I was. And I didn't have the tools, the mental tools to know how to grasp my father's illness at that time until I was much older. And it was it was a lot of weight to carry. But it also created a sense of compassion and empathy that I was around and witnessed more of because I had a father who was disabled.
And what's really beautiful about that is that it caused me to want to do more philanthropic work as a kid. I was volunteering with my mom at children's hospitals where I saw children that were missing limbs or had cleft palates or some kind of disability or cystic fibrosis or whatever. It brought them to that hospital. I was there and I witnessed and I noticed that they were just being kids. They didn't know any different. And it really empowered me. And it maybe that was part of what brought me to wanting to do the kind of work I do right down to working in equestrian therapy to volunteer with children who have special needs.
And they do their occupational therapy on horses.
And can you talk more about that? I'm not, I'm not. I heard a little bit about that, like with. You know.
Military people who come back and they have some pizza and there's the just being around the horses and doing that therapy helps them, helps them feel and find themselves again. So so how does that work with the children?
There is such an attachment between equines, horses and humans, just like they say. There's a similar attachment with dolphins and humans. There is an unbelievable connection. And I've been around horses my whole life. I used to ride a horse and I think I notice that connection at a very early age. And it's a respect. It's like two heartbeats is one. And I got into it, believe it or not, in New York City when I was living in Manhattan, the island of Manhattan, there was actually there are actually still a number of therapeutic horseback riding facilities that are in the boroughs.
And I volunteered. I wanted to volunteer. And what we would do it was Gallup NYC and they're all over the country. I'm sure they're all over the world, too. But it was a therapeutic horseback riding program where children from the city who were special needs many different kinds of special needs that they had did some of their occupational therapy while riding the horses. And I was one of the lead walkers and side walkers. So I, I would walk the sidewalk in front or I'd be on the side because there's two side walkers, one on either side of the child.
And during this time they would do some of their sensory therapy or their occupational therapy in some sense. And they some of these children were not even audible. And by the end of a 14 year program, they were making noises and basically like telling the horse to trot or walk or stop. There are certain commands. And the horses, these are older horses, these horses that have seen their day. And now they're just kind of like, I just want to retire.
So they're very chill horses. And it was beautiful to see this because there is emotion. There's a a calming motion. If you're ever in a car and you fall asleep, we rock ourselves to sleep. I talk about this a lot with my clients. We tend to do this because it's a calming motion. So whenever you when your mother rocks you in her arms or you're in a car, you fall asleep or you're riding on a horse at a slow pace, these things calm the brain.
So I'm sure there's a direct relation between that and how that occupational therapy can work and also taking certain commands. But it was so beautiful to work with them. And I'm looking for another location where I am now, because now that we are slowly seeing the world open, I would love to get involved with that again because it brought me such joy to see how the children reacted and the adults as well. I just predominantly worked with children when I was volunteering.
That's amazing. I guess there's a I'm I'm not like I'm a big dog person.
I've always had a connection with with dogs, but I've never I've never had that connection with the horse. And I do know people who love horses. We do say that there's a pretty powerful bond that can form between a person. I guess it's just. Out of out of the horses show the emotion, how do they how do they feel back and transmit that to the kids?
Oh boy, I wish I knew the answer to that, because to be in the mind of any animal would be quite amazing. I mean, I look at my my kids all the time, 15 year old Calico, who has a a mind of her own for sure. But when she's sitting there purring in my lap or talking to me and meowing, I wonder what she's saying. I think animals are just amazing. And the the connection between humans and animals is just so spectacular.
I think it's it's an unconditional love. And there's an energy and an unbelievable shared energy that sometimes words don't need to be said right now. So I don't know if I have answers to how horses respond, but I know that they nuzzle and they are just warm creatures. And when you talk to something softly, it responds softly. And I've always noticed just being around horses, as with my cat, too, I can tell. I always say she's like the litmus test of stress, because if there's any heightened voices or anything in my or any energy that doesn't feel right.
She is out of here, just out of here. So if we just respond, if we notice the response to animals and how we are acting, they sense the energy more than anything. And there's a calming nature. It's like an ebb and flow. So I imagine that has something to do with it.
Interesting, I also want to talk. I mean, I think it's amazing that. You had this these challenging experiences as a child and the way you responded is is amazing with empathy, with surrounding yourself in those communities. Even more volunteering for me when I went to the doctor and there was a bunch of people and I saw other kids there and the hospital's the only thing I want to do is I wanted to get out of there and I wanted to go back to my life.
And I I didn't know growing up anybody else with a disability. I always what it was like, my quote unquote normal life where I was pretending to be or trying to be like everyone else. And then there was the medical side, which I have to do it periodically because I have to do it. I never embraced that that community until until a few years ago. And and I did some volunteer work as well in the 90s. But it took a long time for me to embrace the community and to want to get to know other people with disabilities and to talk about it openly.
It was always a separation for me. So I think it's it's kudos to you. It's marvelous that you were able to even within that that trauma, that difficulty to just actually embrace it and go deeper into it.
I appreciate that. And I say kudos to you as well for coming so far and being where you are. But I got to be honest, Gustavo, you were the kid I wanted to play with when I was at those those places where the children were in need of additional attention. So I have a story that just sits with me to this day. I must have been maybe about eight or nine. And my mom and I used to go to the children's hospitals and we give goat cart rides.
We had a goat kipper. It was the sweetest thing ever. And kids love to be around him. And he was the sweetest animal, movie and goat. And my mom taught him how to pull a cart and we would go to different places and do goat rides for festivals like small festivals that mean nothing to scare the goat. But he loved children. And I remember we're were at Children's Hospital in Westchester County, New York, one time, and there was a little boy who was so full of laughter and he had no arms and he was just tossing the ball back and forth with me with his feet like he didn't have a care in the world.
And that image is still in my mind to this day. And it resonates with me so deeply because Joy was there no matter what. And I think that moment might have been one of those moments that changed me because it taught me more about empathy and compassion and and resonance being in the heart of the other person. And I I'm I'm grateful for the challenges I've been through. I think everything does happen for a reason. And I don't look back on anything thinking I wish it was done differently because it was done the way it was done, because the way it was done, you know.
Well, it's incredible that you were able to I mean, just connect like that, right, to hold space for for that person and to see them as a human being and not, you know, not looking past. But you just saw them as them there, Joy. They're in in play, in connection and in that moment. So that's that's fantastic. And I think that's where the I had really good friends growing up. And I think that's why I've always cherished friendship so much, because you hold that space for each other and you see each other as as fellow humans and not.
Oh, well, this person is. Know has this status or this person does this for me, it's not about that, it's just it's just that it's a deeper human connection and holding space for each other.
So what it's all about, it's really holding space for each other. It's all about love and listening, actively listening. And I couldn't agree with that more. I mean, we're all here. We all. What is it? Ramdas says we're always we're all trying to find our way home and we're all connected. And the moment we come to an awareness of that is when I think things change in our own lives. And I can't say that moment when I was a little little one tossing a ball back and forth with the child, that changed me for good.
I think it was years of different trials and tribulations. I mean, as I always say, your traumas or your triumphs or misses our message. And I, I think it took time and the little things that occurred along the way have brought me to where I am today. And that state of awareness that you have, that shift in your life, they say we have a shift, maybe many. And it's it's where I want to be serving others.
Absolutely. And let's talk about some of those additional shifts as you were getting as you were getting older and going through your teenage years, like what's what were some of those other key challenges and things that happened that helped you become the person you are today?
I think one of the biggest challenges I faced was going through major surgery at a relatively young age. I had temporal mandibular joint syndrome or disorder, rather, TMJ, and I went through four and a half years of braces, wore the retainers, lost a few of the garbage or the middle class. I mean, I did it all. I look you look at my mouth, it probably looked like I could probably get every cable channel you had, but the amount of metal I had in my mouth and but I had a lot of pain and TMJ was extremely painful for me because I had a metal occlusion and underbite.
But that was pretty significant. And when I was 15, it was brought to my attention by my orthodontist. We might want to look into surgery and I hear them. I'm like, I've never been through surgery performing on my tonsils out. But everybody had that right. And this would require breaking my jaw, wiring it or setting it back, then wiring it shut for eight weeks. And that's just the beginning of the healing, because then I had to do a reduction surgery the next year, a tongue reduction surgery actually the following year, because your tongue is a muscle.
And they were saying that it was too big for the space in my mouth. I mean, a 15 year old or 40 year old that I'm hearing this, it's like mind blowing. Right. But I think the scariest part of that was it had to be my decision. My mom and dad couldn't make that decision. And I remember my orthodontist doctor, my Dr Mike Rudolph, who I love to this day, telling me. Hillary. This has to be your choice.
Nobody's going to make it for you. You could do it or you don't do it. And I said, let's do it. And it was. Under with my orthodontist by my side, but also I went to a doctor for the whole procedure, it was it was extremely painful, recovery wise not to scare people, but that was my experience with it and your healing bone in your face. So there's going to be a lot of things going on and your your emotional state as well as your physical.
But I was laid up for eight weeks. I was home schooled before homeschooling was trendy, especially this year. And I was there was no cable, no Internet. I was basically homebound to my room with my thoughts. And it was really a difficult time because I needed to to really share this, to be transparent. I had to wear wire cutters around my neck just in case anything hindered me from if I had to throw up and I was going to swallow it.
It was basically break glass in case of emergency. So that in itself was traumatic to wear these scissors around my neck, wire, scissors, wire cutters, and then just be always fearful of am I going to have to break glass? Right. So that was a rather traumatic eight weeks in my face. I mean, being a 15 year old, I just wrote about this the other day, being a 15 year old, where appearance is so important to us and it's always about being accepted.
And then suddenly you look so different in the swelling. I used to say I looked like the Elephant Man. It was it was unbelievable swelling. I hope there's no pictures out there. But if there were at this point my life, I'm like, whatever, bring it on. It's part of my journey. Back then, I would have been mortified if anyone took a picture and but that that process, that eight weeks and while I had this beautiful bite after it did relapse a little bit.
And I was approaching the looking at the possibility of having it redone because I had it so early, my my body was still growing. That's why there was somewhat of a relapse and a little bit of pain coming back that I still feel to this day a little bit because it is what it is. But I realized that I can control this level of pain and some of it was not just physical. And when I realized that I had the power to manage it without medication, something really different happened in my life because I don't think I was in the right mindset and I didn't have the tools then.
I didn't really go through rehabilitation process then. And now I understand where it's coming from. It's why I work so closely with the people that are in pain management and chronic pain, because I understand what it feels like and I understand how important having control of your thoughts can really change the level of pain you feel.
So back, let's see if we rewind for a second, because I think there's two there's two interesting parts there is. So back then you made the decision to do it. Were you aware of that? I'm sure they warned you, like there is going to be pain, there is going to be this healing process or and you were just kind of like, I need to do it. And you how did you make that decision in your head?
Because. The pain in the moment. Would be temporary. To the lifetime of pain that I would feel having these joints on the side of my jaw. These little olive joints that were causing clicking and lockjaw and pain, I knew the short term pain would would definitely outweigh the long the long term if I didn't have it. Does that make sense? And not knowing I mean, we didn't know. I mean, this is a surgery that was relatively new at the time.
I had it back in the 80s. Now it's much shorter now. I don't know if you're wired shut that long. I don't even know if they. Why are you shut anymore? I don't know. They might do, like, really heavy rubber bands. I know that my surgery was very long. I was in there for hours and the recovery took longer. And I was like, I mean, the best part about it was, quite frankly, is that I had more chocolate shakes than I could possibly ask for because the calories I needed to heal and I just kept and at that point I was like, I just want a Diet Coke and I'm just going to puree my soup.
And my mom's like, no, we must get to work because I never want to see another insurer in my life. Sorry, but I would say that I was kind of. Encouraged to get more calories in my body when as a teenager, we're always about appearance and looking our best. So there was a lot of psychological side to that, too. Absolutely. I don't regret it by any means. It it was something that was necessary. And I made a very powerful decision as a teenager.
And it led me to making more decisions and realizing I have the power to make choices on my own. And yeah, I mean, but it didn't get the place. I was going to say it did lead to a I mean, there was pain throughout my adult life and it wasn't until later that I really understood what tools I needed to really manage it better.
So as as you were healing in this process as a teenager, what did you rely on to what did you rely on it to get through it? And then and then let's transition into what you learned about pain management and how it how it inspired and then drew you towards what you're doing now.
Gosh, that is something I've never thought about. What did I do in the moment? Well, I think at that time and I don't have one anymore, but back then I did have a TV in my room for sure. I was watching a lot of television, a lot of a lot of whatever a teenager watches back then. But I was also I wrote a lot. I wrote a lot of poetry. I just actually found my poetry books recently.
So writing has always been my therapy. For me, becoming a journalist didn't seem very, very much of a stretch. Right. So I was writing a lot, doing a lot of poetry songs, just journaling. I journaled a lot. So that's always been a part of my life. And I think that's a big part of mental health support, is being able to write out your thoughts and and and just share even if it's just with yourself, putting it in black and white can make a big difference.
So that was a big part of it because I didn't know a lot of visitors back then. I did not want people to come see me. I think I had two or three of my closest dearest friends who are still very close to me today come and visit. But that was about it. I just did not want to I just wanted to get through it. And I was very tenacious about it. And it was just it was a lot of Hillary spending time alone.
You know, somebody who was like a social teenager, couldn't play my sports, was off the team for a year because they were worried that somebody would hit my jaw, which actually did when I went against the rules and went back to gym class and got hit in the face with a volleyball. Like a week after I returned to school, I was freaking out. But nothing happened from that. But I was like, OK, maybe I stay away from sports for a little while.
But as a social teenager, going into a state of kind of solitude where the only people around me were like my mom and my dad and my tutor, that was that was it. You know, so it was really Hillary learning to spend time with Hillary.
Which is the most teenagers, most teenagers don't get to do that, so that's another learning experience to be able to hide. I didn't journal at that age, but definitely journaling is a huge I've used that. In many parts of my life, and it's helped me tremendously, because you don't always like where Gordon says, right? He does his blog because it helps him clear his thinking. And so just putting your thoughts on paper like it just there's your brain and solidifies the way you're thinking about things at the time.
That's hugely important.
Yeah. And I think people get a misconception sometimes about journaling because we go back to that dear diary thought process and I encourage my clients, I encourage my friends and family whenever there they have a little blockage or something's just not connecting with them. I'm like, write it down, just write it out. Even if you throw it away after they're there's there's really power in that. And I love seeing I mean, I do it myself. I send an email once or twice a week and I know that's part of my therapy.
I'm sharing things I'm doing and sharing about my podcast, sharing about sharing a tip or a tool that people can use for their emotional well-being. But I know part of that is helping me in my own healing and on my journey and probably building something towards my book as well. So it's always an opportunity to get it out there. So don't necessarily think about it as journaling means I'm writing a dear diary. Think about it as you're putting your thoughts in order.
Or maybe it is our intuition if you just sit back in silence for a moment and hold space for your for the question, the answers come. And sometimes that even happens just in that moment of clarity of just being quiet and then just let the pen do the work, because it really is it's coming from, you know, or else.
Absolutely. I learn a lot of that with meditation, too, of when you're not holding the space for yourself, like the answers are there, but you're avoiding it, you don't want it. You don't want to deal with it. So it just kind of keeps bothering you. But when you when you sit in that quiet or like for me, swimming now is like a meditation. I'm just in there in the water and it's all just it starts to come out and flow out of my flow out of me.
And it gives me so much more calm, so much more positive energy. And then transferring it on paper is just solidifying it in your mind.
Yeah. You're in the now. It's what I call a pleasant distraction. And we've talked about this when we have these pleasant distractions in our lives, go to that place. And those are your place and those are your places of joy. And when you're in it, when you're swimming, you're not thinking about anything but just being right, you just being it's the most beautiful place to just be. But in those moments where we are outside of that being and we are anxious or feeling stressed or feeling pain or whatever the emotion or feeling is, when we take our mind to those places of being that we enjoy the swimming, the ocean, being with your family, whatever it is, sitting with your little kitten on your lap or a puppy or whatever those moments are, those pleasant distractions that you should put in your tool box, because they do help bring you to a much more mindful state.
Especially with with the work I do, but let's talk let's talk about the work you do. Let's talk about holistic health. Let's talk about how did you so you were in pain. You understood it was a chronic condition. What did you do? Like what was what was your process like? OK, I need to how did you help yourself? How did you get into holistic health? And then in this space, what brought you what brought you there?
Well, interestingly enough, this goes back a little again, because I was not I was a child that actually was in pretty good shape and started to gain weight when my dad got sick. Food was my control and I got heavier than a child should be at my age. And I at that age, no child really should be thinking about going to diet centers and Weight Watchers and things like that because you're still a kid growing. But what we need to do to get it, get yourself on a healthier track before these release.
The relationship with food comes in and it can be very detrimental. I actually want to going to fat camp, we call it that camp. But that's not that that's not the name of the camp. It actually was a camp in Pennsylvania that is still active to this day. Actually, in my day it was called Camp Colon. I think it's called the Kantako Trails or something now, but still with the same owners and everything. But it was an opportunity for me to learn more about my relationship with food and how exercise matters and community matters.
And from that, I really started building a healthier relationship with food because I noticed how my dad's relationship with food was not healthy. And I, I think at some point I got a little obsessive about it because I was always a little nervous, especially as a teenager, always obsessing about our weight, how we look. And for I was always involved with fitness and sports and being more mindful of what I eat now. I mean, I eat poorly as well.
But I lost that weight and I was like, I am not eating this back way. No day. So fast forward. I started to build a healthy relationship with food because of carpooling and and it was a Weight Watchers supported camp as well. I was I think it was supported by them. And then I realized it had some traumas in my life that made me think deeper about just the relationship with food. And also, I was I was getting ready for a pretty big event in my life, which was getting married at the time.
And I wanted to live my best, as everybody does. And at the same time, I was also hired to I was I was cast to be on a show called Daily Burden three sixty five, which is a live streaming fitness show, is the first of its kind. And this was a number of years ago. And I'm still on the show actually. But being around community, the sense of community and seeing how people support each other, it really opened my eyes like I want to help people.
I saw the community and the chats a daily burden. And I'm like, I want to help people on a grander level. And that is where I started looking into. Integrative nutrition, which, interestingly enough, as someone who does television work and has been on camera for so many years, this Institute for Integrative Nutrition actually hired me to be one of their online educators long before this came about, talking about daily burn. And I did a number of their modules for their curriculum, their online curriculum.
So when I drove in and decided that I wanted to get certified as an integrative nutrition, holistic health coach, I actually found myself watching videos that I was instructing. I read talking about like a full circle. Right. So that was really I mean, I remember sitting there with my first video came up. I'm like, oh, my goodness, this is this is interesting because I remember being at IBM when I was first doing videos with them thinking I'm going to come back here one day.
I don't know how I didn't even think about health coaching. And so it opened my eyes to the fact that there are hundreds of dietary theories out there. And it's not just about your nutrition, it's about your mindset. I mean, there's the primary and secondary. We all of our lives. The secondary is nutrition. It's it's smaller. The primary is your home life, your your faith, your community. All those things that make up that bigger wheel are more about the mindset.
And by the way, I mean, they they don't teach nutrition in medical school. So this is where there's such a strong appreciation and connection and collaboration between doctors, especially functional medicine and integrative health doctors and health coaches. Because this goes back to what I was saying about somebody who finds out that they're diabetic or they have high blood pressure and have to change everything. A doctor will say, do this, change this, but they're not guiding you on that journey.
Right. So that's we're working with someone who understands integrative nutrition, can help you and support you. And then on top of that around and happening, because that was kind of a fluke. I don't know if you want to just go into that, it's going to be OK. So Havering for me was I already was a holistic health coach and it was kind of a fluke. I was at a birthday party for a friend and there was a mutual friend there who was the who is rather the CEO of the Haverty organization.
I had no idea what that was. And it was while I was walking out the door to leave that I met her and it was like instant friendship. And she she asked me what I did. And that was a health and wellness journalist and also a health coach. And she and I said, what do you do? Because, you know, those are those questions you ask, right? And she put her hands like delicately. We were already very enclosed space.
And you have to be very mindful. You're touching other people. But I think our energies were just really good where she put her hand on my arm and on my other arm and she just started slightly hating me, which is the Havering touch. And she asked if she could show me, first of all, I mean, without doing it. And she said, well, this is what I do. I'm part of the Haiveta organization. And it's a it's a psycho sensory approach that uses touch and pleasant distraction to alter your thoughts and behavior.
And I'm like, Phee, I don't know what you're doing to me, but I want more of it. And she's like, well, that's great, because we're doing a week in intensive, if you're interested. I'm like, well, I'm always looking at new modalities to bring into my practice. And I went to the having a two day workshop with the doctor Rutan's the two twins out of New York, once an internist and one is a dentist, believe it or not.
And I went and I volunteered to be down on stage with Dr. Ron Rudin, the founder of Humanity. And I was haymond on my father's death. Well, and then during the two day workshop, I was also Haymond on my team JPN, the two big traumas in my life. Don. In a weekend. Because what he has the ability to do is it put your brain what they call a Delta state, which is slow moving, slow moving brain waves, and it's the best way to describe it is almost like they can share this with you.
Before when we were first talking, it's almost like that Jack in the Box. Right. So if you're passing an intersection and every time you pass this intersection where you might have had a fender bender, an accident, your palms start sweating, your heart starts racing, and you just want to get through that thing as fast as humanly possible. So having is almost like the jack in the box. Every time that Jack in the Box opens, we jump back.
Right. Our amygdalas fight or flight, it jumps. We want out of that situation. But what's happening is it's almost like, oh, here we go back. I never thought of this connection. It's the wire cutters and it cuts that wire the wire that I never got to use to cut my TMJ when I was going through TMJ. If the wire cutters that are being used in the moment to cut the spring so that Jack isn't jumping out at you anymore, it's still happened.
Whatever it is in your life, the upsets that we have every day still occurred. The traumas that we have experienced still happened, but we have the ability to look at it differently. It's like CPR for the amygdala is what we say, and we call it the amygdala in the world of davening, making her feminine and making it a nurturing thinking of something nurturing we want to take care of. So with touch and pleasant distraction, you have the ability to alter your thoughts behavior.
Put your brain in the Delta state, release those happy chemicals, the serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, and do it rapidly and many times, as in my case, permanently. So it's it's an amazing modality, as you know, and I love talking about it and I love sharing it.
So we we're working together. I've done davening with you for, like several times now, and I'm practicing it on my own. I would not have I don't think I would have the courage, having never tried it before, to do that on stage and deal and have those traumas exposed to all those people. So, I mean, courage, vulnerability, you obviously have that in spades. That's that's incredible. My experience with it as we've worked through different things, yes, I want to lose weight, I want to get healthier, I have I have all these goals that I I came to you with.
But as we started going through some some different lingering traumas or things about related to disability related to, for example, you know, I've always wanted to overachieve. Right. It's like I have to prove that I'm worthy. I have to prove that that I'm I'm capable of participating in society, of being a valued member of it, of participating those those traumas. I've worked through a lot of them. But for me, the the when we work together in that space.
If it's a different form of meditation where it's like I can I can see the emotions and I can feel the emotions, but I'm not reacting to them, I'm kind of like looking at them from the outside and seeing them. And they're just they're not triggering me anymore. They're just they're there and I can. And so that's how you move past the roadblock, right?
Yeah. I mean. The powerful I'm so glad that you share that, and it's just amazing. So, yes, we're able to move past the the the upsets because what we're doing is, as much as I love to say we all have a story, every single one of us on this planet has a story. Many stories sometimes we are so fearful of going back to reliving those stories that we are living in that landscape of what things feel like then.
OK, because for something to be a trauma, it has support for things. It has to have an event has to take place. There needs to be a feeling of immense capability that needs to be a meaning to it. And there needs to be a landscape. And by landscape, what I mean is it's we are presenting the feeling. We're bringing back the feeling we had when it actually happened now. And we know that's not really what's happening now.
Right. But that's trauma. However, we can have upsets that are not traumas and they're still very triggering and very upsetting. So if we have the ability to recognize our story and and understand that our thoughts are powerful, we can change the narrative to how we handle them going forward. And my job is to keep my clients accountable. My job and what I love doing, I don't even consider it really a job is to mirror back to what maybe at the moment you don't see yourself so that you have the tools and the tools to be in charge of your own emotional well-being in your own hands for real, because you're using your hands and having it's three different approaches.
It's like you're washing your hands or giving yourself a nice hug and touching your arms, like what happened to me the first time and or your face where there's a lot of nerves in your face. So it's very powerful. But those three ways to Heyburn or self-hate and which is really great because you can still tabin yourself for the minor upsets that paired with those pleasant distractions that we talked about earlier is where the magic happens. That's what I call brain candy.
Basically, it's one of the happening to me is another brain candy, my mental health toolbox, because it's offering you the possibility to take control of your emotional well-being.
Absolutely, and I think it even the brain candy is a. Is a great way to describe it, but I would go even I would I would take it even further than that. It's deeper than that. It's the the emotional. And we have an unconscious mind. We have a subconscious mind, like when things happen to us, we don't always have time to process it be those things linger with us when we don't. And so to be able to go back to that and to see them again and to feel them again and then.
And then disconnect the emotion and see it and say, no, I want to go here instead, I want to do this instead, it's like it it cuts the it cuts the cycle of for me. Right. Like, I have issues with food. Sometimes I've been in great shape. Sometimes I have. And I've been going right my whole life because I'm always putting something else first, whether it's my company, whether it's school, it's a number of things.
But to be able to process those things again and look at them and say, no, this is what the issue is, I need to hold space for myself so I can I can be a better version. I can be what, closer to what I want to be. It's it's almost like it's soul food as well. You know, it's it's not just brain candy. It's.
I love that it's soul food. Oh, that's great. Definitely, you know, when I when I call it brain candy, I just mean that we have these amazing happy chemicals that are released, like I mentioned, in the brain, the same chemicals we have when we work out, when we're swimming or when we have that awesome dessert, those feelings we get in the moment. Right. Why don't we want to live in that space longer? Why do they only have to be temporary?
So it's just offering that that sweet, sweet reward in a way that we love. But it could be long term. And the soul food is a wonderful way of putting it as well, because we have that power and I don't think we give the brain enough credit. We were starting to talk about neuroscience more and more in the mainstream to where we all have access to it. It's it's it's beautiful to see that. I got to be honest.
But I got to be honest with you on this one, too. I was never that girl that was in the science classes. OK, now I'm like a neuro nerd and I love it, but not so much. I mean, when people come to me, a lot of times people are coming because they just want support and they want answers. They don't necessarily want to know all the neuroscience behind it. They just what can help me heal.
And I'm not a healer. I'm giving you the tools to heal yourself. You know, I've mentioned it before. It's like coming to Hillary's hardware store. Oh, you want you want hypnotherapy. Cool. I've got that. Or you want to have any. Cool, I've got that. Or you want holistic integrative nutrition support. Got that to need a little help knowing how to use it. Sure. I'm doing a demo over here. I'll show you around and you can come back weekly and we can talk about it or once a month whatever is comfortable to you.
It's just me providing the tools for your mental health toolbox. And I just have the hardware store.
Absolutely, and it's a. I love the work you're doing, I think it's invaluable.
I think when you it's it's it's just impressive in your ability to again, you're very empathetic. You're a great problem solver. So I think that you're just bringing some really powerful tools to the table to help people.
And you felt that. And it's a joy being here and supporting you in your journey as well. And I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for for people like yourself that realize that they want to live powerfully because we need to laugh through our lessons and we all have lessons to learn. And if we just walk away with one tip and one tool that can make a positive change and change in our lives. And we're we're doing something right. Absolutely.
So I'm going to I'm going to ask you one more question that I ask everybody so far away. What have I missed that you think is important to talk about that we have not discussed?
What if what if you missed anything, maybe we didn't, but I. I'm going to say that nothing's been missed because the most beautiful conversations are those which are organic. And I and maybe maybe this is a good lead in to the fact that your fellow podcasters as well. I love that you're that you're supporting me and I support your SO would say the it's not a miss. It's almost like an introduction to just be able to say I'm here to support people and I do that through my own podcasts as well.
And there's so much space for so many unbelievable conversations to happen. And we need to keep having these conversations. You're holding space for people to learn more about disabilities. I'm holding space for people to learn more about mental health and laughing through the lessons, help healing and humor with holistically speaking. So I just want to thank you for holding that space for me. And if anyone wants further support, they certainly can get in touch with me. I'm sure.
I'm sure you're going to share that on your podcast.
So what are the best places for people to reach out to you?
Of course. So my website is Hillary Rousso dot com with one L.. Or realistically speaking, and just go there and see if you go under the healing tab. You'll see there's a space for davening and I am offering complimentary discovery calls. So if people are questions, have questions about Havering or a holistic health coaching or any area that I, I work in, I am happy to support you and share my time to give you more information so that you can see if we align together and I can help you on your emotional journey.
And thank you so much. This was a pleasure.
Thank you.
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